Tag Archives: Abuse

Subway Stories: That Time I Got Blamed For Famine

No, you didn’t read that title wrong.

So, in Subway, you can get three different sizes of sandwich; the foot-long (over which there was some controversy in America, when customers began to question whether they were actually getting a foot-long sandwich); the six inch (which after ordering, one guy once walked out of the shop after ordering and finding my co-worker had cut it at 5.8 inches); and the kids pack, which is four inches long.

I don’t know if adults are technically allowed the kids pack, but what the heck, I don’t work there anymore. It’s behind me now.

Anyway, this one time, a guy comes in; it’s late, he’s pretty drunk, and asks for the smallest thing on the menu. I try to be nice; I suggest the kids pack; it’s like a quid cheaper than everything else on the menu. He’s all for it.

So I get the bread out; cut two inches off a six inch. And since no one get’s two inches of sandwich, I put it with the other wasted bread.

He instantly catches on to this.

“What’re you going to do with that piece of bread?” he asks me. And I tell him. I’m tired, I just want to go home.

“You’re throwing it away?!” he asks. I already hate him by this stage. But I don’t show it.

He goes on to remind me there are people starving in Africa. A whole continent of starving children. And here I am, throwing away two inches of bread. He looks at me as if asking how I sleep at night.

And then he just goes ahead and says it. That those same children are starving because I’m throwing away food.

He then asked me how I felt about the whole situation. How I felt that I was causing people to starve.

HOLD UP. Not that this is entirely relevant; but you’re a white Irish guy. I’m a second generation African. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE MORE BLOODY STAKE IN THIS THAN YOU DO. Prick.

And I’m making you food. I could just tell you to fuck off. Don’t act like you’re better than me. Drunk, alone and heckling someone who’s making you some much needed food.

So I turned it around on him. I asked how he felt ordering such a small sandwich to force me to cut some bread off and waste it, thereby starving those same children.

He didn’t like that. He tried to glare at me. But he was too drunk to maintain eye-contact.

He tried another retort. I’d stopped listening by this point, so I told him whatever he said was ‘Great’ and asked if he would like any salad in his sandwich.

He shut up after that. The silence was bliss.

Now, on one hand, I understand that it is a waste. But then, if we were to cut some of the bread into thirds, and no one ordered kids packs, that in itself would be more of a waste. Kids don’t want smaller bits of food. They want what adults are getting.

And more importantly, as I’ve already mentioned. If you’re asking someone to do something for you, maybe DON’T FUCKING TRY AND INSULT THEM IF YOU WANT THE JOB TO GET FINISHED. I don’t care if you need to sober up. Try dealing with your drinking problems without being an arsehole, yeah?

You just can’t win.

So that was the time I got accused of famine in Africa. I don’t miss Subway.


Anywho; completely unrelated; this week I’m working on a project researching if it’s possible to make money off film reviewing. Because watching films and getting paid for it sounds quite lovely, am I right?

That’ll be up in a few days. So film buffs, keep an eye out. It’ll feature input from a couple of magazine film editors, provided they actually allow me to cite them.

I don’t know how confident I feel about this. I won’t lie to you.

There will also be less anger and swearing. Probably.

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Posted by on May 23, 2016 in Life


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That’s News To Me: WordPress, The Abusive Partner

So I went to Amsterdam last week. Interested? Well, I would tell you about it; I have, in fact; I typed up a whole post on it. I didn’t think it was too bad.

You didn’t read it?

Oh, that’s probably because with two more words to type, I then pressed ctrl-z upon making a minute error. Ctrl-z, which is undo, right?

Wrong, apparently.

Or is it? Because I’m pretty sure I used ‘undo’ successfully whilst I was typing up my time in Amsterdam. It was only when I reached the end that it deleted my whole post.

But that’s no problem. Confusion aside, I remember that I’ve been through this before. I’ve actually written a post about doing this before. Déjà vu; this can all be fixed, right?

Wrong again!

Apparently that only works when you start typing the post from your dashboard. When you start directly from your WordPress front page, there’s no auto-save. Which of course means there’s no draft copy to salvage my work from.

What the fuck. What kind of sense could that possibly make?

Why would you only build auto-save into some of your post-editors? It doesn’t make any sense! It’s not like people write blogs for the thrill that their work might accidentally get deleted rather than published. No one finishes a post, presses publish, and remarks “Phew, close one; almost pressed delete. What a rush!”

And why would you change the commonly used ‘undo’ button into ‘delete all your hard work’? Why, WordPress, why would you do that to me?

You’re like that partner who is very aware of how much better than you they are. Despite the occasional, mostly unnoticeable snide jest, they’re lovely to you in public. But when you’re back at the flat, slightly stressed out, but mostly relieved that you can soon wind down after a long day of work, they come in, and take a big stinking dump right on top of you with all their superficial baggage, accompanied by a torrent of abuse that you’re just not in the right state of mind to receive. But they know they can get away with it, because you’ll eventually come crawling back, due to the fact that they’re way out of your league, and you could never do as well as them again.

WordPress, you manipulative bitch.

You say it’s my blunder, that I should have known how things work before I got involved with you. And maybe, on some level, you’re right.

But joke’s on you! Now I can sit here and start again from scratch, with new knowledge on the workings of your system. I can construct a better, more refined blog post now that I’ve learnt from my mistakes. I can ignore the fact that not including a quick trip to Tesco, I’ve just devoted my whole evening to you since coming home from work, only for you to spit it all back in my face.

So here we go again. What’re you gon’ do?

*Stares at screen hopelessly*

*Sees ‘Draft saved at 8:55:24 pm’ flash tauntingly at the bottom of the screen, like a subtle “Fuck You”*

*Starts crying*


Posted by on September 18, 2014 in Life, Travelling


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