‘The Frustrating Search For a New Phone’ or ‘Why I’m a bit useless’

02 May

With my longtime contract nearing its end, and my new phone plaguing me before it’s even arrived, I now realise that typing things on WordPress is about as much technology as I can handle. Why? Read on…

The Early Years; Motorola Madness

I’ve been through a lot of phones in my time. I remember when I got my first mobile phone, back when I was eleven. My mum had bought it for me so she could feel safer as I went roaming out and about on the streets of Hackney with my friends. I’ve still got it in fact, it’s sitting on my book shelf, reflecting the spring sun off of its silver finish.

The make? A Motorola somethingorother; this was before phones began getting fancy names and features. It made phone calls, sent texts and played annoying Chiptune-like songs; it was simplicity manifest, and I loved it.

After a few years, as newer phones started to come out, I treated myself to a more upper-class Motorola phone. It was a similar style to my previous phone, but pencil thin, and garnered even more love than my previous phone had. I remember gleefully unwrapping it alongside my girlfriend of the time. Rightfully so, I don’t think she was especially excited; the phone wasn’t even that good now that I think about it.

From then on, I would spend my days texting, chatting and trying to find the newest ringtones to make my phone the bastion of technological achievement. Then one day it mysteriously disappeared.

The Beginning of the End: Samsung Supreme

Once again I found myself unwrapping a new phone in the company of of my girlfriend. Again, she probably wasn’t very impressed. But this phone deserved more attention than the Motorola. Now I had in my possession a Samsung flip-phone of dark glossy blue.

It could take better photos than the last! It was faster! It could play music! (I think).

Overall, it was superior in every way, shape and form. It was beautiful. But then, one day, trudging through fields on my way to see a friend, I found the pride of my possessions had vanished. With my friend in tow, we searched through sheep mucking ridden fields for hours and hours.

Or at twenty minutes. Some amount of time. Alas, it wasn’t to be, a sheep had probably eaten it.

Spiralling Out of Control: The Sony Ericsson Era.

With two phones lost and one too ‘uncool’ to be seen with, it was time to take the obvious next step in my relationship with mobile devices. My mum made a commitment, and a foolish one at that. She signed me up for a contract on a Sony Ericsson smartphone. It had a curved silver back, an 8-megapixel camera and a stylish black interface.

It lasted two months.

This was because a month after purchasing the phone, I made the move from secondary school to Sixth Form. And with Sixth Form came Sixth Form Parties. Being in Wales, the first was held in a gazebo in a field, and being Wales, it rained the whole day leading up to the party.

The party’s theme? Crossdressing.

So up me and my friends rocked up to this drenched gazebo, wearing frilly skirts and cute blouses. But despite my friend whose clothes I’d borrowed’s insistence, I declined a handbag, feeling there was only so much stupid my image could take (I now know otherwise).

But what to do with my precious phone? There was only one place to put it. In my bra. Obvious, really.

What’s also obvious is that that didn’t work out well, and my phone was returned to me the following day by two of my elders, who had spent their supervised study session cleaning the mud out of my deader than dead piece of technology. With no phone, and no insurance to claim a replacement, I resigned myself to my new new phone; a £9.97 Samsung ‘brick’ from Tesco. Seemingly indestructible and only able to send/recieve/store 100 texts at any given time, I was in for a long 22 months.

It’s only truly redeeming feature (indestructibility is not a redeeming feature, find out why in part 2) was the game it held. Super Jewel Quest (basically bejewelled), which me and my friends mistakenly read out as Super Jewish Quest. Oh the possibilities. But that was four years ago, and once I became more acquainted with alcohol, it was all downhill from there…

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Posted by on May 2, 2014 in Life


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